Isabel's Journey

This is a story about a wonderful girl.

Once upon a time, someone I worked with found a basket of kittens in a park in Daly City, California, where she liked to walk her dog.  She brought pictures of the kittens to work, and I went to go say hi.  I had one cat at the time, and I thought Eddie would like to have a buddy to hang out with while I was at work.  I thought before going over that I would take the little boy from the pictures, and I would name him Paco, because I loved that name.  When I arrived at my co-worker's home, I was immediately taken in by the energy of one of Paco's sisters.  There was just something about her--she was so alive and spunky and totally herself, and I fell in love with her.  I ended up taking both her and Paco home.  One of the women I worked with at the hospital was one of the sweetest, kindest people I had ever met at that point in my life, and her name was Isabel.  I decided to name my new little girl after her.  When I told my dad what I had named the kittens, he laughed because he said it sounded like Taco Bell.  From the very beginning, Paco and Isabel brought joy to my life and the lives of those around them.  Eddie loved them and cared for them as if they were his own babies.  Isabel especially, loved to snuggle with her papa.

Isabel and Paco, a couple of yay-hoos I adopted, ruling our house.  :)

Isabel, Paco, and Eddie.  My family.  :)

For a couple of years, we lived in San Francisco, in a little apartment past the Outer Mission where the cats could safely go outside and sun themselves by the jade bushes and watch raccoons walk along the fence tops.  Then I decided it was time to move, and we all piled into the car for a 2500 mile journey to Illinois, where I was born and had decided to begin again.  Poor Paco made the whole journey in the tiniest place he could fit, but Isabel busted through the safety gate I had rigged to keep the cats in the back and out of harm's way.  She demanded the front seat, and she got it!  My little girl was always adventurous.  We lived in Illinois for a time, then moved to Tennessee.  Everywhere we went, Isabel was my co-pilot.

My happy girl.  :)

One of Isabel's favorite things in life was laying under a flower bush with her belly up to the sun.  As she got older, she got quieter, especially after her Papa Eddie died, but there was always someone in the tribe that would go to her so that she was never alone. Her brother Griffin and sister Journey were among those, and from day one of his time with us until the last day of Isabel's life, Simon was Isabel's dinner companion. Paco was a constant irritation to Isabel when they were young, but over the years, she grew to enjoy knowing the guy she'd been stuck with since the womb was somewhere around her--but not too close!

Griffin and Isabel, takin a walk.  

Isabel and Simon, eating, eating, eating!

Late last year, I started to feel a tumor growing on Isabel's side.  The vet told us if we had it surgically removed, it would buy her some time, maybe a year.  I never entertained the idea of putting my 16 year old girl through chemotherapy or radiation--I can't imagine a crueler fate than being dragged to the vet twice a week for an indeterminate amount of time, poked with needles, then feel like crap, and all the while not know why.  I will never do that to my family. Isabel recovered well from her surgery and I thought that--as it had always been--my little trooper would show everyone how tough she really was.

My girl Isabel was tough.  She survived being dumped in a park, endless heckling by her brother, moving several times, living with all kinds of different cats and dogs and people, and a surgery that might have wiped anyone else out.  But the cancer that she had turned out to be pretty awful, and it came back with a vengeance way before any of us was ready to let go of this wonderful life force Isabel possessed.  At the beginning of March, we talked to the vet about options, and since surgery was clearly making the cancer angry instead of GONE, we gave her a steroid shot to help with any pain she might have and decided to just enjoy every day we could with her.  I was afraid that what would happen was the tumor would break through Isabel's skin and become an infected mess before she felt bad, and then I'd have to deal with the horrible choice of having her live with that misery or putting her to sleep before she was ready otherwise.  I prayed I wouldn't have to face that scenario.

Five days ago, Isabel started having a really hard time walking with her back legs.  Her color looked bad and she was hiding a lot.  The next day was worse, although she was still eating and drinking.  Then she could barely walk, and I decided that that was enough suffering for my girl.  Rainy spent the day with her while I had to work, and she walked with her outside in the sunshine and put her in her cabana in the sunny window and gave her lots of cookies.  I came home and rocked her in the recliner for awhile.  It is not lost on me at all that the beautiful spring day outside was the same as it was the day Eddie died and the same as the day my dad died.  It seems that, from time to time, that kind of day is like a bridge inviting wonderful souls to the other side.  Rainy and I took Isabel on one last car ride to the vet, and it became clear that she was not having fun anymore when she started panting in the waiting room.  Our wonderful Dr. Lewis helped us usher Isabel out of the world with drugs that took her pain away and stopped her spunky, spirited heart.  He reminded us that she had had a wonderful life and that it was a near miracle that she had gotten to spend 16 years with one family who loved her so much.  I still hold that I have been the lucky one to have gotten to spend 16 years of my life with her.

We buried Isabel in Jaycub's rose garden, on her favorite pillow with rose petals around her sweet face. Jaycub was Rainy's wonderful cat who died much too soon, and we thought it would be nice that he would not be in his garden alone.  I have been carrying Eddie's and Journey's ashes with me for years, but it seemed fitting that they should be with Isabel's body now too.  I laid lillies and sunflowers on my girl, and we closed her tomb.  I know her spirit is in The Meadow now, where all of the souls I love go, and where eventually I will join them.  It is that beautiful sunny Spring day always, and I can see her as she was in her youth, full of vitality, enjoying time under a flowering bush, belly up to the sun.

I love you, Isabel.  Thank you for spending your whole life with me.

Love,

Your Grateful Mom

My very favorite picture of Isabel.  She was goofy and wonderful.  :)