Adventure, Adventure

Well hello folks!

I am sorry for not keepin my blog as updated as I should.  I have been real busy washin all my underwears since I got back from my latest adventures!!  Last time we spoke, I had borrowed my brother Ty Ty's plane so I could come back and look for my friend Peanut, but I never did tell y'all about my trip to Pinnacles National Park with my Uncle Adam!

Now, my Uncle Adam ain't really my uncle.  He's been my mom's friend for so many years that she got all confused and thinks he's her brother, so that is what makes him my uncle.  To make things even MORE confusin, my Uncle Adam flat out refuses to have his likeness out on the internet cause he's one a them mysterious types.  He's super cool, and I do admit I aspire to be like him.  He's doin some top secret government work, and when I went to meet him in Los Angeles he wouldn't even let me look over his shoulder at his computer or even check my email!  I would say he was a dick, but like I said, I kind of admire him, so I'll hold my tongue.

Anyways, we went hikin in this awesome wilderness area, and I have some pictures to show y'all, but I had to bring a stand in for Uncle Adam, on account he's so cool and won't release the copyright on his likeness.

The hiking was real, real tough at Pinnacles, and me and Uncle Adam both had a tough time tryin to get up the peaks.  As you can see in the picture above, I tried to help him along when I could.  But it was a real beautiful place and the views had a good payoff!

Also, there was these condors livin up there, and I climbed up to one of the nests to try to get me some eggs, as I hear they is some good eatin, but when I got up there, that bird was BIG!!!  I instead gazed upon his beauty for some time and slinked myself back down away from him.

Uncle Adam and me had some good talks, and we did some campin while we was up there.  One night we drank a bunch of wine that I had left from my trip to Monterey and he did let me take his likeness, but the next mornin he smashed my camera.  Now I thought that was a little rude, but I guess that's the price you got to pay if you's goin to hang out with someone that cool!  Anyways, I will admit he hurt my feelins a little, and that's when I got lonely for my friend Peanut and I headed back to Florida.  

I had no idea where Peanut and Allie had moved to, so I just made sure Ty Ty's plane had lots of gas and I flew all over them ding dang Everglades.  Do you know I did not see me even one alligator??  It was ridiculous.

I finally gave up when the pelican at post 25 confirmed my worst suspicions.  Peanut and Allie wasn't there. I was heartbroken.  I landed my plane and drove off on my motorcycle, and then I got me a great surprise! There was Peanut, layin right there on the road!! 

If I hadn't been payin attention I would've run him right over.  Instead I jumped him, which we used to love to do, and then he told me all about his adventures and I told him about mine.  We had a wonderful time for a couple of days and then I came home to do my laundry.  I'm plannin on goin to visit Peanut again real soon, and he's gonna show me one a his best fishin holes.  I can't wait!!!

Love Simon

Lookin for Peanut

I ain't got no kinda time to go into details, but basically I went campin with my Uncle Adam for a couple of days but I was missin Peanut too much so I borrowed me a plane and I'm goin back to Florida to look for my friend.  I'll keep y'all apprised of my goins on.  

Love Simon

More Words from the Campfire

Last night, after I had shaved off that itchy goatee and written in my blog, I laid in my tent and thought about my awesome life. Here I was, a few feet from my crackly campfire, and some 100 feet from the roarin and crashin Pacific Ocean. 

In my head, I asked myself, "Simon, can you be any luckier?" and after I thought about it, I could only reply, "no."

This mornin, I headed down to Monterey, old home to another one of my favorite writers, John Steinbeck.  Now, he wrote him some wonderful books, includin this one about a road trip he took with his dog, Charley.  I loved that

book and I love puppies. I even asked Frankie and Bruce if they wanted to come on this adventure with me, but Bruce was too itchy and Frankie's scared of motorcycles. I also asked my cousin Lily to come but she said she couldn't be that far away from her mom. Dang. I guess if I want to take a road trip with a puppy, I'll have to get me a poodle.

Anyways, I walked around the wharf and had me some fishies and an ice cream cone, and I basked in the sunshine.  I thought of a quote in another book I love by John Steinbeck, called Tortilla Flat. No, not the one that says "Here you play in the street, little chicken. Someday an automobile will run over you, and if it kills you, that will be the best thing that can happen. It may only break your leg or your wing. Then all your life you will drag along in misery. Life is too hard for you, little bird." 

When I read that passage the first time, I nearly gave up eatin chicken! But then Mama Rainy cruelly brought home a bucket of KFC, and next thing I knew, I was beggin for a piece. It was dang near involuntary, my cravin for the Colonel's 11 herbs and spices! That was a good supper that night.

Yum!!!!  Wait...is that right?  I'm so confused...

Now, I don't generally imbibe in the pleasures of alcohol, but today I got me one a them "rider bottles" of wine that my mom's friend used to drink on her long drive home from work every day and I wandered around the streets at the wharf like a real paisano.  I felt like I was in one of them John Steinbeck books, and it was wonderful!



Back here at the campfire, the sun is goin down. Back home in Florida, I am imaginin the nightly routine: Mama Rainy comes home first and takes off her pantalones, and then mom comes home and takes off her brassiere. They's gonna have KFC tonight because my writin is gonna make them crave it. Mama Rainy's gonna play her video game where she has to make burgers for a lot of people and my mom is gonna wonder why she don't just go down and work at the McDonald's if she really wants to be that stressed out.  She's gonna turn a light on and Mama Rainy's gonna turn it off.  They's gonna talk about their day and my brothers is gonna play outside til the lightnin starts. Then they's all gonna climb in our big bed and go to sleep.  My moms will both snore, Frankie will get too hot and get on the floor, and Ty Ty will steal Mama Rainy's pillow.  We's all happy at my house.

I will lay here in my tent and listen to the ocean and feel happy to be me. 

Oh yeah! I forgot to tell you my John Steinbeck quote that's not about the chickens! "The afternoon came down as imperceptibly as age comes to a happy man."

Love Simon

Simon's Fireside Chat

Dear Faithful Fans,

Today, I rode up to San Francisco, to where my wanderin hero Jack Kerouac spent some time when he was alive.  I think it is many a young cat's desire to roam the streets of North Beach, espoutin jazzy poetry and feelin the music and sense of wanderlust that propels us to the road.  

I've been doin a lot of thinkin about my life and how I ain't had an adventure like this in quite some time.  I was content in my home in Tampa, but then my buddy Peanut left, on account his girlfriend Allie had to go search out another pond to hunt in, seein as how some farmers thought her water was dirty and they killed the algae.  Allie had no more camouflage and she and Peanut headed to the Alligator Alley where no jerk farmers can mess with them.


I was lonely after my good buddy and his old lady left, so my mom said maybe I should go have me an adventure.  I wasn't even having fun harassin Mama Rainy, so I packed up my motorcycle and headed west.  (Well, first I went north 'cause you can't drive a motorcycle through the Gulf of Mexico.  Although maybe next time I head west I can ride me a shark to California, on account of a certain admirer who knows some sharks who can give me a ride...)

Sorry, I just can't tell you who I'm givin these here flowers to, y'all.  It's top secret!

It took me longer than I thought to reach California, but it was worth it, 'cause I had me one a them epiphanies when I crossed the river of my birth where it goes into the Gulf of Mexico.  I realized that the Mississippi herself was like my mama's birth canal--God rest her soul--and the Gulf of Mexico was my life, all wavy and tryin  to get back to my moms, but once I made it past the breakers, it was time to have my adventures I love so much. I sat on the banks and I won't say a tear wasn't shed, 'cause when you get you an epiphany like that, you cry!  You just ain't got no choice, really.

Of course, along the way to California, I ran into some of my family, also descendants on Grandpa Sanchez's side.  Some of them I had seen at our family reunion some years back, and it sure was good to see them and sleep in they's houses at night.  Even though I'm still young, the ground ain't all that comfortable to sleep on!  My cousin Carlos in New Mexico had him one a them Sleep Number beds for me to sleep in and I discovered my sleep number is 35, just like Lindsey Wagner, who was my mom's first crush when she was in that show on the TV called The Bionic Woman.  But she started in The Six Million Dollar Man, and I ain't gonna lie, I got me one a them boy crushes on Steve Austin. He's super tough!

Wow, they's both tough!

Anyways, here it is, almost midnight.  The stars is real pretty when they ain't obscured by fog.  I'm gettin sleepy, so I'm goin to sleep.  I'll tell y'all more about my adventure durin tomorrow's campfire time.

Love Simon

Time Away

Dear Faithful Fans,

It is durin this time that I have chosen to start readin me some Jack Kerouac and thusly have started a great and lonely journey. I am writin to you from Big Sur, California.  Just last night I was campin by the Pacific Ocean and readin my book.

It was Jack Kerouac who once said, "somethin good will come out of all things yet and will be golden and eternal, just like that." He was right. Just look at me.  I started out without much, and then some aforenamed assholes stole my man parts and fingers, and yet, now I am the awesomest member of Tribe Atherton, and I get to go on adventures whenever I want!  I never deny I have a good life.  But with the big move and all, I've been feelin outta sorts, so I thought I'd come out here and philosophize and whatnot.  

I'm havin so many deep thoughts I am givin myself a headache! I think I'll get back on my bike for now and do some more ridin. Don't forget me, as I will be back home soon. Maybe I'll write me a book while's I'm out here on the road.  You know, lost in the Great Abyss and whatnot.  Growin my brain and gettin my travelin feet some miles on them.  Discoverin what lies beyond...

Love

Simon Thaddeus Atherton