Simon's Weather Report

Hey y'all!

I was readin all my fan posts on Facebook this mornin, and somebody mentioned that you could now get one a them apps called Weather Whiskers where you get a picture of a cat in clothes reportin the weather. But you can't put yourself in the meteorologist role, it's one a them preprogrammed cats, and all it does is look cute.  What a bunch of crap!  I am not about to stand by and let some fake preprogrammed cat take all the glory, even though meteorologists is useless to do anything but stand there and look pretty and say a bunch of crap that may or may not come true.  (I'm sorry Grandpa Jim, but you know it's true! I love you and I miss you.  Love Simon.)

Simon Atherton, reportin for duty!

Hello, TV weather watchers!  This is Simon with your forecast.  It is freakin COLD!!!!!!  It is so cold that I had to put on my warmest sweater and take one a my rabbit pelts I was gonna sell and make a hat out of it, all just to tell y'all how freakin cold it is, and I'm INSIDE!!!!!  It is true that my moms is tryin to save money on electricity, but I ain't never been so cold, not even in the summer when my mom gets one a them pre-hot flashes and goes nuts with the thermostat!  Behind me you will notice all the stats.  But statistics can't tell you that it's gonna feel like you never ever want to get out from under your covers, no matter how much my Mama Rainy dolls it up with her sassy programmin!  You look out the window and see it's nice and sunny, and then you go out the door and get blasted with some crazy frozen tundra arctic nonsense that ain't got no place below the Mason-Dixon line!!!  I am so sick of winter that I just want to puke!  I need warmth!  I can't live like this!!!!  

Well, y'all, I ain't got much more to tell ya.  It's freakin cold and I wish I was in Florida.  I'm goin back under my covers now, WITH my sweater and my rabbit skin hat.  And maybe I ain't got the personality of Lisa Patton or Davis Nolan or all them fancy people over at Channel 2, but it don't take no genius to get up in front of a blue screen and tell y'all it's cold.  I'm just sayin.

Love Simon

A Sad Day

We just got word that Colonel Meow has died.  For those of you who don't know about him, he has been an Internet sensation for quite some time and even holds the Guiness World Record for longest cat hair (9"!!) The only details I know are that he's recently been in the hospital and that he died last night.  His family is obviously distraught and grieving, but I'm sure Anne Marie will let everyone know what happened once she is able to function again.  Here at the Casa, all our hearts go out to her and the rest of the Colonel's family. Rest in peace Colonel Meow.  We loved having you in our lives while you were here.

The Colonel in all his glory:

Here's his collection of videos.  It's not everyone who gets to leave such a cool, fun legacy. http://www.youtube.com/user/ColonelMeow/videos

Love, Julie and the rest of Tribe Atherton

Help Crepes!

Hey y'all!

This is Simon, and I'm here with my "associate" Paulie.

We are writin to you today to tell y'all about Catdance and a very special entry in the film festival called The Inheritance.  My friend Crepes and her folks has made a very wonderful movie about a guy who tricks...  Well, I don't want to give away the plot or punchline or whatever.

What you NEED to do is get on over to https://www.freshstep.com/promotions/catdance-festival-2014/play/the-inheritance/  and watch Crepes in action!  And then most importantly, go VOTE for Crepes's movie!!!  And I mean VOTE!  Make up some email addresses and vote for them!  Do it every day!!! Heck, if you get lucky you might just win you a Catdance tshirt.  My friend Alana calls this "Chicago style votin," and that is no lie!  Everyone knows that my great granddad (that's my mom's grandpa) used to run liquor for Al Capone durin Prohibition, and he had dinner with Al AND the governor AT THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION this one time!  That makes me 1/4 gangster, so I know all about it!  And that's what I'm talkin about--you need to vote with that level of corruption!!!  Vote for Crepes like she's gonna solve all your problems AND be the next American Idol!

And if you try to tell me that ain't right, let me tell you somethin!  Gettin a prize just because you's popular is a CRIME!  Takin a handheld camera and holdin it up to a cat for 4 minutes while he gets his belly scratched and does no actin whatsoever is NOT a reason to get an Oscar!  I am so mad about last year's film festival! Maybe cause I just found out about it last week, but STILL!!!  That shit ain't right!

But Crepes IS right, and talented as all get out, and so is her mom and dad, Alana and Michael.  They worked real, real hard on their movie, and it just ain't right if some other asshole wins.  I'm real passionate about this, sorry bout the cussin.  Anyway, please go vote for Crepes--like A LOT A LOT--and maybe win you a free tshirt.  Oh, and don't bother tryin to get a DVD rental with your Paw Points, cause they's all out of them.  Dang it.

Love Simon

...oh yeah, and Paulie.
(dude, you really should quit smokin!  just sayin...)

https://www.freshstep.com/promotions/catdance-festival-2014/play/the-inheritance/

Dinner with Cousin Juan Mario

As I told you before, I had dinner at Aunt Maria's last night, and it was delicious!  I also got to hang out with my cousin Juan Mario Sanchez, who is my papi's older brother's son, and he knows all the scoop about my Grandpa Sanchez.  Last night he told me about how vital Grandpa Sanchez was to the freein of Mexico, because he was General Zapata's right hand man.  General Zapata trusted my grandpa more than any of his other people, mostly because my grandpa did his drinkin on his own time and didn't show up drunk in battle.  My grandpa was a fierce warrior back in his day, and he almost single handedly took down General Diaz, who was a total motherfucker.  My grandpa was a hero and I am very proud of him and also, I am a lot like him in many awesome ways.  Here is a picture of me and Juan Mario last night before we got too full or too drunk, and also some pictures of my Grandpa Sanchez, who was awesome!

This is my Aunt Maria.  I took this picture right before I went home.  She was real tired from all the cookin she's been doin.

Juan Mario is my very favorite cousin!

This right here is the only picture of my Grandpa Sanchez in battle--he is goin right to the heart of the war, about to pull General Diaz right out of his dang saddle!

        

This is Grandpa Sanchez standin at the right hand of General Zapata.  Note how everyone else is all drunk and carryin on, while my grandpa retains his military bearin!

This is a very rare paintin of my Grandpa Sanchez and General Zapata, back when they was boys together.  Wow!

My grandpa was a true hero, and I am very proud of him.  I told my cousin Juan Mario that I was goin to take the portrait of him and General Zapata and hang it on my wall.  As soon as Mama Rainy comes home, I'm goin to make her and my mom get me a thumb tack.  I can't wait to tell them all about my people.  I tried to tell Mama Rainy a few weeks ago about all the people I met at the reunion, but she said I was totally full of shit and there was no one named Juan Mario except what I made up in my head.  I'll show her!!!  She cannot deny the proof!  Also, she wants me to get her coffee when I go on my Costa Rica adventure, so this is not the time to be all hateful and a nay sayer about my stories.  She burned her last bridge when she yelled at Grandma Christine last time--I told her there was no such thing as enough Costa Rica coffee but I guess she was havin that time of month or whatever ladies call it.  I DOUBT Grandma Christine's going to be bringin her any more coffee presents!

Love Simon

A Word From Our Sponsor???

Hey y'all!  This is Simon, and I want to tell y'all about somethin wonderful!  Last night I went to my Aunt Maria's house for supper and she had this stuff called El Pato jalapeno salsa.  It comes in a tiny little can and I wondered why in the world she would be foolin with somethin so tiny when she regularly cooks for 10 or more people.  Turns out, it's one a them appetizers!  You just unscrew the can and dip your chip right in it! I will say this, you're gonna want to keep a big ol glass of water nearby because it is HOT!  But it is worth it, and before you know it, you'll be too full to eat more than 3 of Aunt Maria's tacos because you spent too much time at the El Pato can.

Me and my very own can of El Pato!

I asked Aunt Maria if I could take home my very own can of El Pato so my moms could buy it for me, and turns out, my mom already KNEW about El Pato!  She and my Uncle Adam used to eat it all the time back when they was bachelors in San Francisco.  She said that's how she cut her spicy tooth.  My mom said if you can eat El Pato, you can eat almost anything hot, except maybe Costa Rican jalapenos,'cause they are so hot you'll be burnin for the rest of the day and night!  Wow.  Now I think I need to have an adventure in Costa Rica.  Stay tuned!

Love Simon

Dreams

Oh, hi Everyone!

This is Griffin.  Ever since my moms went to Florida 2 winters ago, they have been sick of winter.  They have been talking and talking about moving to Florida ever since, except when they talked about moving to Seattle, but either way we are going to move closer to lots of water and fish and the world's biggest litter box.  I can't wait to see that!  My moms are real anxious too, but we have to wait a little while so we can find our perfect place and everything.  Until then, we're all huddled together dreaming about being warm and sunny.  I wanted to tell you guys all about our Florida dream before I go to sleep tonight and then I'll be sure to dream that I'm at the world's biggest litter box catching lots of fish and I'll be pretty happy about that!

My sister Isabel went with Mom and Mama Rainy on one of their trips, and she got to walk around in the world's biggest litter box!  She said it was pretty but birds swooped at her head and the sand was hard to walk in.  She said she'd go back when we had a house and a covered pool she could lounge by. 

Mom and Mama Rainy found all kinds of places where they could go walking around, but this one said you couldn't bring pets.  They wondered why the park people were so mean...

...but then they found this sign!!  If Mama Rainy and I see any alligators, this is where you'll find us!







Mostly, my mom and Mama Rainy said it would be really neat to live around things like this:

Birds walking through the front yard...

Birds looking at the water...

And CATS!  Big cats!  Right there in our back yard almost!

I can't wait to move to Florida.  I can't wait until I'm in the sunshine all the time and maybe I can even hear my big cat cousins calling out and maybe I'll call them back.  Mostly, I just love my moms and my brothers and sister and I want us all to be together and happy.  But I sure would like to check out that big litter box, too.

Gnight everyone.

Love,

Griffin

Mi Reunión Familiar

Hey Everyone!  I know it's been quite some time since I told you a story, and this one is AWESOME!  It turns out I'm part MEXICAN!!!  I never woulda guessed it, but my long lost cousin Juan Mario Sanchez contacted me one day and invited me to a family reunion of the Sanchez clan, of which I am a MEMBER!!!!!

Me at Cedars of Lebanon, waitin for the festivities to begin...

I know it seems a little strange that I would be any percentage of Mexican, and I was a little shocked at the news myself, but it turns out that Grandpa Sanchez used to run with General Zapata durin the Mexican Revolution--he was a real Zapatista!!!--and after all that mess was over he decided to come here and settle down with my Grandma O'Hara, who was his true love that he met after crossing over into the United States.  They were truly in love and they had lots of babies, and after a long time, my dad papi was born and then he found my mom (and several other ladies, apparently) and then I was born and made my way over the Mississippi River, etc etc.  And now I am here and tellin you all about all my adventures!  

Grandpa Sanchez and General Zapata--WOW!!

Grandpa Sanchez right before he died of old age several years ago.

Cousin Juan Mario, tellin stories to all us cats...

I had a great time hangin out with all my cousins.  We had lots of food and drinks of course, and let me tell you, Taco Bell ain't got nothin on my Aunt Maria!  She can cook!  

 Aunt Maria went to a lot of trouble to make tacos for all the cousins, and as you can see, she did a wonderful job with the place settins--they even had little sombreros on the plates!  For dessert, we had her special Ole cookies, and they were real, real yummy.

Cousin Juan Mario is the guy with all our family history, so that's why we had the reunion in Lebanon, but my other cousins come from all over the place!  Cousin Jimmy is from California--he's a mechanic and he came out in his low rider car.  Unfortunately, it was no match for a country road, so he broke his axle.  Here I am, repairin it...

I worked for 2 hours on that thing!

For my trouble, Jimmy gave me this awesome sticker!

 This is my cousin Ignacio, and he's from Arizona.  It's a good thing he came to this reunion, because he's gettin pretty old and might not be able to make such a long journey again.  Juan Mario said that before Grandpa Sanchez and Grandma O'Hara met crossin the Rio Grande, Grandpa Sanchez had his needs met somewhere else and Ignacio is that woman's son.  So that makes Ignacio pretty dang old.  I'm glad I got to meet him, he was a nice ol guy.

 This is Stinky.  He brought a dang two legged to the reunion with him, on account he's too young to drive.  I think he said he was from Delaware or some such thing, and he's actually one of the cousins' grandkids or somethin.  He mostly played with the other grandkids while us grown ups talked about our history and drank tequila and ate Aunt Maria's wonderful tacos.

My cousin Pedro is a mess.  He was in Vietnam a long time ago and has a bunch of family over there.  The dang government made him come back to Texas in '75 after the fall of Saigon and so now he just drinks a lot to forget about all of it. I don't even know why he came out to see us, because all he did was drink and pass out.  I guess it was the free tequila that drew him here.


It was a wonderful reunion, all in all.  I hope I get to see Juan Mario a lot, since he lives right here!  And you can bet I'll be visitin Aunt Maria's kitchen from here on out.  I love my moms, but they and Taco Bell are in the same second place spot as far as cookin and Aunt Maria are concerned.  I can't wait to hear more stories about Grandpa Sanchez--Cousin Juan Mario actually met him a few times and said I'm a lot like him. I guess that makes me a real Zapatista!

That's all for now.

Love Simon

The Labor Force Stick Figure, reinterpreted

Okay, I just have to say that this chart is totally fascinating on SO many levels.  (Maybe I should be a sociologist???)

Anyway, basically this chart says that if you're working, you're a tough butch man.  If you're looking for work, you're a more casual gray, and if you're employed part time, you've got nothing to do but sit around and read a book (or is that dude crocheting?)

On the non-functioning side of the chart, the only way you get to retire is when you're so broken down you can't walk without a cane (and if you're a woman, clearly your estrogen levels are out of control, finally allowing you to grow a proper mustachio!)  Note how the military representation looks just like a cop!  My favorite stick figure is the representation of the institutionalized.  Isn't that the popular haircut of the day? Does that mean the institutions let all the patients/inmates out??  Gaaaaahhhh!!!!!!  What are we saying with our hair?  What is appealing to us about looking like we're mentally ill?  Is it a way to keep primal predators at bay?  So fascinating...

Moving on...  Men who admit to wanting to stay at home take on a shameful pink hue, and in order to assuage the desires of the right wing that women should be home caring for the babies, chicks get to be a different color that's not so shameful, although they clearly lose their hourglass figure!  Want to work?  Well put a spring in your step!!!  Students are young males, obviously, and they must carry a heavy class load, since they have to carry both a briefcase AND a backpack--and also wear a tie?  Shit!  Who wants to do that????  Disabled=nauseous green.  OMG.  I LOVE THIS CHART!!!!!