Frankie's Notes on Nursing--What It Is, What It Is Not

Mama Julie has contracted a virus, and I am taking good care of her while she is sick.  Here is me making sure she is still alive on the couch:

This is me guarding the yard so no one can attack Mama Julie while she is sick:

This is Mama Julie's perspective on the world right now:

Ugggggghhhhhh...

She said to tell you guys that she'll be back to translating the cat adventures as soon as she feels better.  

Love, 

Frankie Fitzgerald Atherton

PS  Shout out to Florence Nightingale!  I hope I can be as good a nurse as you.  Love, Frankie

Bed time at CUI Shuttle 2

Waffles (whispering):  Simon, is you awake?

Simon:  No Waffles, I am asleep.  Do you see my eyeballs?

Waffles:  No, but I gotta question!

Simon:  What's your question Waffles?  We're s'posed to be sleepin ya know...

Waffles:  I know but I was tryin to count the stars and I wanted to know, what comes after 27?

Simon:  Oh my God Waffles, GO TO SLEEP! There's a BAZILLION stars out there, you cain't count them all!

Waffles:  Well ok, I'll go to sleep.  But what comes after 27?

Simon:  28 Waffles.  Go to sleep.

Waffles:  Ok, thanks Simon!

...

Waffles:  Simon, what comes after 28?

Hansel:  Wow, it's been a long week.  I'm just going to curl up here for some much needed rest.  Floating sleep is pretty nice once you get used to it...

Griffin:  Wow, that's a lot of stars.  I can't wait to go walking out in space!  I wonder if I can touch a star...

Isabel:  Good work, Katie!  Now hand me that wrench!

Katie:  I like your style, Isabel!

Status Report 1.3

It has been several hours since the rendezvous with my team members and I am curling up for some much needed rest.  I have communicated via blink with Lt. Katie Glovatsky, who seems to be most intelligent.  I look forward to working with her in these coming months.  My brothers are preparing to do their first space walk tomorrow to begin assembly of our docking station.  My sister reports that all computer systems are online and working properly for the time being.  Ens. Waffles Glovatsky is having his meals rationed heavily, as he appears to be gaining weight and will soon be unable to fit into the necessary tight compartments we need to do delicate work in.  For the time being, all is well.  We shall see how long it lasts.

Good night from CUI Shuttle 1.

Paco, Mission Commandant
International Cats ONLY Space Station

Finally, We Meet...

Hi everyone, Katie here.  Today, Paco and I finally met.  After 2 loooonnnnggg days of listening to Hansel, Griffin, Simon and even Waffles Too try to figure out how to work the GPS, Isabel and I finally just looked out the window and saw where we were supposed to have turned to get to the worm hole that would get us to the rendezvous point.

Right after we came through, we all heard Paco bellowing.  Poor fellow must have been lonely out here all by himself--he sounded so forlorn!  We quickly spotted his shuttle and came to rest close by.  I saw him looking through the window of the cockpit, and I have to say, he's handsome!

I quickly went to our floor hatch to greet him.  

It was really good to finally see a man who is not a blithering idiot, or narcoleptic, or simply clueless.  Isabel told me not to expect too much from her brother, but already I am impressed.  I can't wait until we are in the same space together and can finally talk face to face.  

In the days to come, we will be building a docking station between our two shuttles.  Here's part of the schematics:

The other shuttle will join at the other side of the dock, and in the center, we will have our common space.  After this part of the mission is complete, we can start adding on to the center to create a complete space station.  Our dream is on the verge of becoming reality!  I'm so thrilled.  Out here in outer space, sharing this wonderful view with Paco on Valentine's Day, the possibilities seem endless...

Signing off,

Lt. Katie Glovatsky

International Cats ONLY Space Station

Lost in Space

Well...I think we are lost. My brothers landed us early this mornin in this place--which is kinda pretty!--while we consult the GPS. They said we was just wastin gas drivin around in circles. Will update when we figure this mess out.

Love, Simon

Status Report 1.2

Was supposed to rendezvous with remaining crew members by 2300 last night. Lost comm shortly after learning they were making a u-turn at Saturn. Apparently Navigation officer fell asleep and missed Jupiter re-route. Sigh. Mission going as expected.

Paco, Mission Commandant
International Cats ONLY Space Station

What about us??

Hi, this is Max and I'm lonely. My kitties all went to outer space and me and my brothers are here all by ourselves. Even Isabel is gone so if I can't make the box work I can't put in a ticket even. There's a note on her desk that says "gone to outer space" and first I thought it was a joke but then I found out it wasn't a joke!

I miss my kitties.

Love
Max

Wrong Turn at Saturn

Awww hell.  Y'all, wusn't we supposed to turn left at Jupiter??  'Cause I'm pretty sure we're passin Saturn!!!

Hansel:  Griffin, Isabel!  Turn us around STAT!!

Katie:  Do you guys even know what you're doing?

Griffin:  Um, I must have fallen asleep when we were passing Jupiter, I'm sorry!

Isabel:  I'm never going to sleep again!!!

Waffles Too:  Well, I'm going to sleep right now, all this floating around is making me tired...  Wow, Saturn is pretty!!!

Stay tuned...

Inside the Shuttle with Isabel, Simon and Waffles Too!

Hi everyone, this is Isabel and this is my IT Control Room on the Cats United Shuttle.  As you can see, it is much more advanced than the router at my house.  I am never going to get to sleep again.  And since there's no gravity up here, my toes are already aching from trying to hold on to my seat!  OMG, what did I sign up for???

Hey y'all, this is Simon and I'm here in the nose of the Cats United Shuttle, gettin ready to send out this blog post on my iphone that my moms got for my goin away present.  Wasn't that nice of them?  I told them I would write often on my new adventure.  Mom and Mama Rainy, this is where I'll have my phone docked while I'm writin to you--pretty view huh?  I like it here a lot!  Me and my new buddy Waffles Too are already havin a lot of fun here.  Even though the shuttle ain't that big, we still get to have a place where just me and him can play, and that's awesome!  Sometimes we gotta get away from the others, 'cause they are real serious and they're givin me a headache.  If all you're gonna be is stressed out the whole time, why not just stay home I say!

Wow, this is GREAT!!!!  While the Boss is driving the airplain with Griffin and Hansel, me and Simon are playing with anney gravity here in the nose and it's FUN!  I've been spinning for half an hour now!  I like my new adventure a whole lot!!  

Uh oh, I think I'm gonna throw up.  Simon, where did we put that sick bag???  Gotta go!

Love, Waffles TOO

Taking Off!

Hi everyone, Katie here.  Well, today's the day!  Today, Me, Waffles Too and the rest of Tribe Atherton blasted off into outer space.  We had time for a quick group photo of me with Griffin and Hansel right before the engines started:

Already this is an exciting trip! My days of being cooped up on the planet are over!  We are currently orbiting the Earth, and I'm pretty sure I saw the townhouse-- I didn't have a lot of time for goodbyes this morning, so Glogirly, I hope you saw me wave from the space shuttle.  We should be rendezvousing with Paco by tomorrow night, if we stay on course.  

Waffles Too is currently in the back with Isabel, our IT Specialist, and Simon.  I'm worried about the W2-Simon pairing, frankly.  Simon seems like a trouble maker, and W2 CERTAINLY doesn't need help with that!  

Well, that's all for now.  Here's a picture of the view out my window.  I like it here.  :)

Lt. Katie Glovatsky

International Cats ONLY Space Station Crew

Official International Cats ONLY Space Station Crew Photos

We will be blasting off soon!

Hansel's Red Room Chat

Hi, this is Hansel (or whatever.) Very soon, we will be sending our best and brightest into outer space to undertake an incredible project: the very first International Cats ONLY Space Station. I have been assisting my brother Paco with this project for many months and we are excited to see our dream come to fruition. Our only hope is that we have not waited too long to leave, as the radical bird lovers are on the attack. (By the way, does anyone know why there's feathers next to the litter box?) Ahem!

Please support us as we go on our quest to escape jerky people and search for new universal life forms. What we will find out there, no one knows...

Hansel (or whatever)
Press Secretary
International Cats ONLY Space Station

Trainin is Hard!

Hey y'all, this is Simon.  My trainin is takin me out to sea on a real Navy ship, where I am learnin all the skills I will need to fly out into space and build the International Cats ONLY Space Station.  I am real, real tired.  As you can see, my room is pretty messy, 'cause I'm just too tired to make my bed.

I'm so tired I don't even care about writin about my adventure right now, but I know I have fans out there who are waitin to hear from me.  To all my fans: don't worry, I'm doin fine!  I'm just real, real tired from trainin and I'm gonna go to sleep now.  I'll give y'all another update as soon as I can.  I'm not sure when I'm goin to outer space, but I think it's gonna be pretty soon.

G'night y'all.

Love,
Simon

Glogirly Team Training

Um, hi.  This is Waffles Too, reporting from the anney gravity traneing senter in...um, I don't know where I am, but I'm floating!!  The Boss and me got to do some nifty stuff in an airplain today, like try to catch kibbeys in the air!  See?

Pretty soon we're gonna go into outer space, just like I dreameded!  I can't wait to meet my mishen commander Paco.  He sounds real tough!  Not like the Boss, but TOUGH!

Well, I gotta go back to training.  The Boss says I gotta turn off the computer, she had a hard day and needs her rest.

G'night!

Ensign Waffles TOO

The Bill of Rights

Ever since my brother blasted off into outer space, I have been laughing with glee doing some research into exactly how we can stop this horrible faction of the population from euthanizing every cat they can get their hands on.  It turns out, we have a bill of rights!!  Here they are, according to CatsUnited.com:

The Cats' Bill of Rights and other Cat Laws
1. Humans shall make no law respecting an establishment of boundaries or prohibiting the free exercise therein, or abridging the freedom of access, or the right to peaceful assembly. In other words: The cat is entitled to go outside anytime he wants.
2. A well-carried provisional chamber, being necessary to the fulfillment of a feline's whims, shall not be infringed. In other words: The cat is entitled to EAT anytime he wants.
3. The right of the feline to be secure in their domain and effects against unreasonable discomposure, shall not be violated. In other words: The cat is entitled to SLEEP anytime he wants.
4. Humans shall issue no warrants or decrees or edicts as prescribed to the demarcation of possessions or property which are in direct conflict with right of life, liberty and the pursuit of feline affirmation. In other words: The cat is entitled to sleep ANYWHERE he wants.
5. The feline shall be immune to all criminal accusations, indictments and complaints. The accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and impartial dismissal of any and all charges provided said feline's compulsory right to obtain any or all witnesses, including character witnesses, are obtained in his favor. In other words: Cats can do anything they want as long as it's cute.
6. Neither serfdom, vassalage, or involuntary servitude will be tolerated, except by said cats in proprietorship of their humans. In other words: What I say goes. (And I say feed me... Again.)
7. No Canis familiaris shall, in time of peace or at any other time, be quartered in any dwelling without the consent of the potentate, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by sovereign. In other words: No dogs in the house without my permission.
8. The right of the feline to be protected against unreasonable search and seizures shall not be breached or infringed upon at anytime or any place. In other words: Don't disturb me when I am sleeping.
Cat Property Laws
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If I saw it first, it's mine.
3. If it's in my paw, it's mine.
4. If it looks like mine, it's mine.
5. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
6. If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
7. If there's more than one, ALL of them are mine.
8. If you have something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
9. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in any way.
10. If it's boring or doesn't taste good, IT'S YOURS!!



Take THAT, you bird loving weirdos!


This is the first thing I'm going to hang on the wall in the new International Cats ONLY Space Station!  The second thing I'm going to hang on the wall is a sign posting reasonable work hours--no more call for me!  hahahahahahahaha

-Isabel, IT Specialist

Don't forget to REBOOT!

A Call To Service

Hi, Katie here.  In case you haven't been keeping up on current events, there has been a recent spate of articles decrying foul on the cat kingdom in relation to some missing birds and inferior mammals.  Certainly I have nothing to do with this, as Glogirly keeps me under lock and key, but nonetheless I feel personally outraged by the "solutions" that have been presented to combat this "problem."  Last week, I received a satellite call from Paco at Tribe Atherton Outer Space HQ, asking me to join him in a mission to build an International Cats ONLY Space Station, at a location which will remain unknown to anyone but him until we get there.  In this space station, we can live free of our attackers as well as seek out other life forms who I am told will share scrumptious treats and laser guns with us.  I have agreed to be a part of this very important mission, and Waffles Too and I are currently in training for our trip to parts unknown.  Little orange maniac though he may be, W2 is still small enough to fit into the tight compartments that will need to be accessed as part of the building of the Space Station.  Occasionally he is good for SOMETHING.

This is our flag.  This is our cause.

Signing ON.

Katie and Waffles TOO

This Is Bird Crap!

Hey y'all.  I am fixin to go off to flight trainin, but before I leave, I want to show y'all the evidence my brother Griffin sent me back of how there is not a problem with birds goin extinct.  The following is recorded evidence that our truck Que Hombre has been assaulted several thousand times by dang birds who have no regards for other peoples' property whatsoever!  After you see this, you'll realize just how preposterous the lies bein told about me and my fellow cats in arms is.  Maybe the so-called scientists who did that stupid study should come to my house, maybe they'll find all their missin birds!  They're probly all here, takin a crap on my truck right now!

Love,
Simon

Griffin pointin out some offendin bird crap

Thousands of birds right over my brother's head.  He is very brave to be standin right under them!

These birds have got IBS or somethin!  There's no end to the crappin on poor Que Hombre!

A Message from Griffin

Good evening everyone.  I am broadcasting to you tonight from Super Secret Flight Training in preparation of my mission to build an International Cats ONLY Space Station.  I'm really kind of sad that I have to do this because I'm going to miss my moms and my puppies and well, everyone...But Paco said we have to do this because some mean jerks are trying to have us killed because some birds died.  I spend a lot of time inspecting our vehicles and judging by the amount of bird poop on our truck, I don't know where these "facts" are coming from.  I haven't killed anything by the way, that's my brother Simon.  I'm a nice guy to everyone.

I am reaching out to all of you to ask you to please tell the jerks who wrote that article to stand down.  I think outer space is going to be cold and lonely.  Plus, Paco is really getting paranoid up there all by himself and I can't imagine what kind of state he's going to be in by the time the rest of us get there.  I know there's a lot of good people in the world and you won't let anything bad happen to us.  I love you guys, please help us!

Love, 

Lt. Griffin Atherton

Status Report 1.1

This is Paco, reporting from an unknown location in outer space.  You don't need to know where I am.  I am currently getting acclimated to anti gravity and space shuttle food while my team is assembling and preparing to rendezvous with me.  I only hope they can make it here safely, as there is a campaign back on Earth to destroy me and my ilk due to some exaggerated reports that cats are decimating the bird and rodent populations.  I am not surprised by this turn of events.  I have always known that people were out to get me and I have been making preparations for this trip for a long time.  Mama Rainy has made an allegation that I stole her schematics for the space station.  While I did--due to the emergent nature of this trip--take some of her work, the majority of this project is based on my ideas. I have offered her an olive branch and told her that she can come visit me here.  Otherwise she can take me to court.  Good luck, Mama Rainy.  I'm not coming back.

Signing off.
Paco Atherton, Mission Commandant
International Cats ONLY Space Station

A Special Mission

This is Paco Atherton, and I'm in outer space. Many of you have wondered what kind of projects I could possibly be working on at the desk I share with Mama Rainy--well, this is it. I knew the day was coming when I would have to escape Earth and I decided to create an international space station for cats ONLY. My brothers and sister and even some of our friends will be connecting components out here for awhile and will send back transmissions to you as time allows. We hope for a successful mission and we hope to live free--for a little while at least--of the retribution that some bird and bunny freaks are trying to lay on us. Perhaps we'll meet some intelligent life elsewhere that will share snackies and laser guns with us. I'm trying to have hope.

Signing off.
Paco Atherton, Mission Commandant
International Cats ONLY Space Station

Outrage!!

Oh my God!  I just finished readin a real ridiculous article in Science magazine sayin that I should be kept indoors and not allowed to hunt and even that I should be sent to the Great Beyond!! (http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/30/science/that-cuddly-kitty-of-yours-is-a-killer.html) "That Cuddly Kitty is Deadlier Than You Think" writer Natalie Angier is a nutcase, so let me just start with that!  OF COURSE I'm gonna go huntin when I'm outside, that's what I DO!  But I am NOT makin anything extinct, I'll tell you that!  Birds are always reproducin, they're some of the horniest animals out there.  I mean, there's many times I have to avert my eyes to keep from seein some stuff I really shouldn't be seein, like almost every day!  And yes, I've been known to get me a bunny for dinner once in awhile, and that's some good eatin.  Anyone who's heard the phrase "multiplyin like rabbits" should know that bunnies are also incredibly horny and frankly inappropriate in their love makin.  I think I will write a protest article about BUNNIES.  In fact, I would like to suggest that so-called "Natalie Angier" is really a fluffy bunny with decent typin skills, and she is on the warpath against me and my colleagues.

This is ridiculous!

I don't need to see this!!

Love, Simon

Back to the Grind Stone

...and I do mean GRIND!!  Right after I got back from my wonderful, relaxing trip to sunny Florida with my moms, I discovered that there had been a horrible malfunction with my Pet Safe Simply Clean litter box!  The motor sounded like it was grinding up dead animals, although my little brother denied vehemently that he had put a squirrel part in there.  Did anyone bother to pick up a phone and call customer service?  Oh my God.  NO!!!  These people are useless around here!  I like having a job and a steady paycheck but I don't understand why I can't get some help once in awhile!

After I cried for half an hour because of the incredible backlog of tickets I was facing while listening to my grinding litter box, I finally asked my mom to call Pet Safe.  She spoke to a wonderful woman named Rio who told her to email the receipt and told my mom that she would have a brand new litter box shipped IMMEDIATELY!  Isn't that great!?  I LOVE my Pet Safe Simply Clean litter box and it makes me feel really happy that the company it comes from has such wonderful, caring people working for them!  I only wish I could get help like that!!  My Simply Clean litter box is just that!  It continuously moves my disgusting brothers' waste products up a conveyer belt and drops them into a bucket so that when I have to use my box I don't have to step in anything horrible!  Until the new box gets here, I'm stuck with an old fashioned litter box that my moms have to hand scoop.  None of us is happy about this, so thank God Pet Safe has such a wonderful warranty.  Yay!!

-Isabel, IT Specialist

Don't forget to REBOOT!

 

Simon's Snow Day

Generally, it does not snow at my house but about once a year.  The other day was one of those such days when I woke up to see that my lawn was all white.  I love days like these because the squirrels don't stand a chance with their so-called camouflage!  Also, it feels good to stand in front of my squirrel-roastin fire when it is snowy outside.

This is me right before I went out huntin the other day.  This is about as much snow as we get in the wintertime at my house, and also Phil the Groundhog failed to be afraid of his shadow so we should be gettin an early spring.  My moms and Isabel are real happy about that!  They all took off to Florida for a long time and left me here to dominate the pack with no assistance.  It was difficult because Sage was stayin with us and he's a hippy.  He also told my moms some terrible lies about me bein on the roof with a pistol demandin crack and I'm goin to get him back for that!!

Anyways, I would show you pictures of me roastin my squirrel in the snow but I can't carry a camera when I'm huntin.  You'll just have to make yourself one of them mental pictures or somethin.  

Today, the snow is all gone already, and I have to say I'm a little sad because the white stuff makes everything pretty for a little bit.  I mean, if I have to be cold I mayaswell benefit from the photogenic opportunities of a snowy background right?  Although, I am pretty damn handsome even without it.  Here's some more pictures of me so you can admire my rugged good looks.

Love, Simon